i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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