Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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