happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
