At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
