***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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