Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
