My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
