My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
