Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Randomize