Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How does one acquire holy water?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
