"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
