taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
