She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
