i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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