I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
