Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
