A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
operation have a gay friend backfired
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Come share oat with me in your robe
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
