I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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