I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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