Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
