FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
