they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
