I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
