No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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