Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
