He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
