Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Please, let me fuck your mom
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
