Girls should come with a carfax report
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
