Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
