its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
