Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just had sex bonerless
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
