meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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