they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just pee around me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
