it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
