You're so nebulous sometimes
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
