who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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