By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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