the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
