So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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