Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
