The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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