apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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