We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
