They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
