who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
