i jhust puked up my retainher.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
