My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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