babies were throwing up all over the place
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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