when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Someone signed my nipple.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
