No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
