i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
