I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
