Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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