So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
