Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
